An Honest Look at "Polite" Speak

My latest nonfiction read is Look Me in the Eye by John Elder Robison, a man with Asperger's syndrome, which is a mild form of autism that my nephew and several of my friends' children have been diagnosed with.  "Diagnosed" is a rough word to use because it carries connotations of illness, and as Robison will tell you, he does not consider his mindset a hindrance or a hardship, though he honestly discusses the challenges created by trying to adapt to a world that is perhaps not as honest as we all pretend it is.  I'm hoping to finish this book within a week, and I'm juggling it with reading Stargirl, a book my sixth grade daughter is reading.  In terms of my goal of pairing books, I was looking for a book to pair with either Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close or The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, both books that feature an autistic narrator. To be honest, I haven't read the first one, but I've read great things ABOUT it, and it's one of my recent purchases for my class library. The second one was such an unusual read, and I've recommended it to several students; some have loved it, but others...not so much.  I guess an autistic narration is an odd shift for people to make, but I seriously could hear my nephew Sam's voice as I read the novel.

I feel the same way reading Robison's memoir, and his book might be easier to get into for some readers because although he faces misunderstanding from a world that misjudges him, he has a wickedly funny streak of humor, and he loves pranks, so his life story offers plenty of entertainment.  I specifically enjoy the moments when he considers how we use language, noting that we often mask what we really mean, while people with Asperger's tend to say exactly what they think, a non-filter method that can cause trouble. In one particular section, a family therapist tells him he can name his parents (a manic depressive and an abusive alcoholic, for the record) whatever he thinks is appropriate and they must abide by his choice. So he choose "Slave" for his mother and "Stupid" for his father (57). While these names seem harsh, from Robison perspective, he is simply speaking the truth as he sees it.  Of course, such honesty is something most of us learn NOT to do, but Robison feels that much of our editing is hypocritical and false.  In another section of the book, he discusses his non-emotional response to tragic events, such as plane crashes, and he hypothesizes that people who do respond to events far-removed from them personally are only practicing a "learned behavior." In his mind, "If we tried to feel sorry for every death, our little hearts would explode" (31). While I value empathy, I find some truth in his analysis of behavior, and I wonder if maybe we use up our empathy on events over which we have no control while failing to show concern in smaller, daily ways.  Do we stop and talk to someone who looks upset if we're busy at work/school? Do we listen when someone answers, "Fine" with a false tone to the classic, "How are you?" greeting?  If we don't, then our empathy never serves a useful purpose.

Robison's views remind me of the AP argument prompt my students tackled last year, which required them to consider the role of "polite" speech in the world.  Though I see the value of simple greetings and the expected responses, I wonder if we'd all know each other better if we were as honest as people who don't know the social practice of saying the "right" thing.